I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
