I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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