I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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