the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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