She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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