It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
