She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
