Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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