when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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