No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
