nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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