My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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