Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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