Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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