You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
