remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
