Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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