Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
