Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
