Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
