One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
