please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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