The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
