She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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