just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
