Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
