nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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