I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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