dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just wanna soil my oats bro
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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