You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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