i don't like sucking hair
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
