She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
