What a fucking waste of an outfit
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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