Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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