Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
