I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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