You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
