You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
