peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
