great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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