hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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