so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if only i could text you this smell
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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