Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
