Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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