Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
false alarm. still invincible.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
