she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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