He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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