So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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