Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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