I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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