I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
