Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ok first of all what the fuck
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
