He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
