my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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