Do you still have your period?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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