If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I sprained my soul last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
