Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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