He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
