gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
