I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
