don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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