i just had sex bonerless
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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