It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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