So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
