omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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