I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
