I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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