she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
