i barfeds in our rink
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize