so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
whose parrot is this?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
