she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
