Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
