3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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