I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
