I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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