Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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