I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
