Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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