Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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