i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize