He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize