I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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